Dead leaves in my bed...

Polly Marcus 20 of Auburn tells of floating through
the treetops in a beam of light...

"Jerry, Area 69 is so cool! I use to have these really
great flying dreams that seemed so real, but one time
I was floating up through a bright light up through
the ceiling, through the attic, the roof and up
through the trees to a huge circle in the night sky.
Then I was lowered back down. Don't remember anything
about being on board, but as I floated back down I
reached out to grab some leaves. Then when I woke up
in the morning there were dead leaves in my bed. I had
believed these were always dreams, but how did I get
all those leaves under my covers?

Thanks, Polly"

Knocked out, fainted, drugged, and...

"Hello Jerry,

One day a CHP officer from our office arrives on scene
of a non-injury collision. The CHP is trying to get
the info about what happened, but all they can do is
point, and tell him to talk to the driver. Now one of
the drivers is very agitated and is ranting and raving
about his van. Our officer attempts to calm him down,
trying to find out what happened... well... as it turns
out... the man was driving the van when he is hit by a
bright spotlight from the sky, the engine shuts down
and he and the vehicle are completely lifted off the
road...

He tells them he was knocked out, fainted, drugged, and
Butt-Raped...

Doesn't remember a thing.

But wakes up in the bed in the back of the van with
the "cruise control" on and the vehicle is going about 75!
The van goes out of the lane, striking another car. No
serious injuries.

But our CHP guy still had tears running down his face
laughing so hard that as he turned to run and tell
another officer the story he slams his head into the
van's driverside mirror knocking himself completely
out.

Out cold!

The guys try to revive him and as they awaited Medical
to arrive, one of our officers drew an alien face on a
white t-shirt and covered his head with it so that
would be the first thing downed officer saw when he
woke up.

He didn't appreciate all the hard work done for him on
that prank.

I've thought about that crazy guy in the van a lot and
it always makes me smile, but after listening to you
tell these alien stories, I'm going to have to
wonder if it was all real.

We see the strangest things out on patrol.

Thanks name withheld by request"

(and fear of me getting a ticket)

I don't want to remember it...

Audrey Walters 21 of Visalia knows a guy that can call
ufos down from space...

"Jerry, I am so glad you are talking about aliens
here in the valley! I saw a flying saucer with my
family when we went picnicking up at Shaver Lake when
I was about 12. We all saw it clearly and it was
silver, smooth, and very pretty. It hovered over the
trees and you could even see the tree tops brush up
against the metal of the ship. It made no noise and my
dad had a camera around his neck, but he was so
entranced he didn't even think to take pictures.

I think it's funny how my brother doesn't believe in UFOs
but he is so into science fiction. I too never really
cared about ufos but after seeing one up close feel
sorry for those that don't believe.

I haven't had sex with any aliens as far as I remember
and if I did, I don't want to remember it. My family
is pretty open to odd things after this happened. They
even let me go to concerts alone. If I ever see
another ufo or even an alien, the one person I'd like
to see it with would be you. I remember that girl
calling in that saw that ufo with you and you two
sounded so cool. I believe I even got a bit jealous
wishing you had seen it with me.

There is an old man in Hanford that my friends told me
can call down ufos by the powers of his mind. He's a
janitor at school and he's done it for some kids.
Maybe you can get him on the air and have a ufo
show up for the show!

Keep rocking, Audrey

Spreads her legs for Aliens...

Maggie Seger was the most beautiful woman in the
advertising agency, but Sherri McCormick 29 of
Woodword Park knows now Maggie only spreads her legs
for aliens...

"Jerry, I know you think every girl that calls is hot,
but Maggie was and is... Short, slender, curvy body,
dark curly hair that was very, very soft. Skin so
clear it looked like spun glass. She told me her
parents were mixed races and obviously they had mixed
very well indeed. Unfortunately I didn't get to hear
much more about her life because by then I had made my
stupid, fumbling move and our first date was over
before the main course. I still can't believe I
misjudged her so badly. I'm usually pretty good at
telling if a woman is interested in me or not..

The girls from the office hit Crossroads, didn't see
you there, danced at On the Rocks, got drunk, we went
back to our cars and Maggie drove me to her house. Her
place was very nice and with out talking she walked me
upstairs to her bedroom. It was very stylish in Black
and dark Red. It was like a White Stripes album cover
in there.

She undressed me and we made out. While she was
working on me I looked around the room and saw many
paintings on the walls of Stars, Moons, Planets, and
alien portraits. I was getting a bit freaked out but
her tongue felt so good what's a girl to do?

Then I exploded and it was my turn to show Maggie what
I learned at summer camp, but she refused to let me do
her. I asked her why and she said she belonged to
another...

She explained to me she was in love with a being from
another world and she could give pleasure but was only
able to receive it from this alien dude.

She showed me paintings she had made of the various
people she had met from space. I lost it and being
drunk began making fun of her. We fought and rolled
onto the floor and I broke two nails.

I was so pissed I left and when I got outside realized
she drove me there. I didn't care I walked a mile and
got a ride from a guy at a gas station.

I had to give her credit though: the next day at work
it was like nothing had happened. I feared spiteful
office gossip (at best) or an inquest from Human
Resources (at worst), but I never heard anything from
anybody about it. Especially from Maggie, who seemed
to look right through me on those times when she
couldn't avoid me outright. Come to think of it, it
was unusual to see her on one of our Friday office
lunches; she usually avoided those too. She wasn't a
real people person.

I guess if it's true that you make love to those that
your partners made love to, then I too have had
indirect sex with aliens.

Thanks, Sherri"

Some of us are completely nude...

Wendy Thurston 26 of Fresno talks about a busload of
cheerleaders being abducted and probed by dirty
aliens...

"Jerry, I have waited to tell you this story, finally
my brother said I had to send it to you... Well, when
I was on the squad for parks and rec football, we went
to a cheer off. When my squad got ready to go out
there, we ran onto the floor jumping and screaming. As
I ran out, I did a cartwheel, and my head hit the
floor. Then I decided to do a running-back walkover
split and during the split I let one rip SO LOUD!!!
Everyone heard it, but then I got up and ran out
screaming.

Jerry, never do the splits or spread your legs too far
when you have gas.

Anyway, I ran to the bus and cried myself to sleep. I
woke up as the other girls climbed on and we drove
home. No one even came to the back to see if I was
okay.

The next thing I know is we are all standing in the
woods some of us are completely nude as these little
ugly leathery animals are walking around us and poking
us with glass rods.

One girl who I'm still friends with today from that
night had what she has always believed was an implant
in her leg, but the round half circle metal thing was
said by the doctor to be an old fishing hook. But she
doesn't believe it cause she would have remembered a
fish hook all the way under the skin.

Well there's my story, looks like aliens too like
cheerleaders, I bet you do too.

Thanks, Wendy"

Legs spread and knees up...

"Jerry, Sometime in 2004 I was clamped on a
table with legs spread and knees up. On the side of
the table was a machine with a tall jar filled with
clear liquid and many wires coming out of the top. The
instrument that they used on me was a three-foot long
silver wire with a rounded tip that came out of the
bottom. The four aliens around the table had their
hands on me at different places. I was scared, but in
my mind they kept telling me they were not going to
hurt me. I felt great pain and cramping when they
inserted the humming tip inside of me.

One alien who told me to call him "Mister Humphrey,"
was one who talked to me in my head the most. He told
me I needed to move to Chico. I told him I didn't have
a job there and he told me I would be offered a
wonderful job when I arrived. I uprooted my family in
the middle of a school year. I have two lil boys. I
found an apartment and lived there for three months
borrowing money from friends and family. No job ever
came to me. I was evicted.

The aliens lied to me. They raped me and lied to me.
Child services last year removed my children from me
and I can't afford legal help.

I was arrested two months ago because a crazy lady in
the apartment next to me called the cops and lied to
them that I was a hooker.

Aliens will lie to you. I know they have abducted me
since I was a teenager and they always lie about how
great things will be. Then they leave you. Wham bamm
thank you spaceman!

I know you are a kind person, I hear it in your voice.
I wouldn't ask you if I didn't need the help. If you
could find it in your heart to loan me some money,
just enough for me to get flush, I would really do
anything for you. I miss my babies and my bills are
too big. If some of your listeners and fans could
spare some money too I might be able to afford getting
back on methadone treatments.

Also I know NIN's is coming back and I would love to
go to see them with you. Let me know if you can help.

Thanks, Sheila"

I found her staring at me...

Piper works with drugs and has bumped donuts with an
alien lesbian in the following letter...

"Jerry, I was working for a pharmaceutical company in
SF and I was in one of those dreadful meetings that
come about every month at the office, but this time it
was the best meeting ever. I had gone without food for
about two weeks. I know you too Fast cause I heard you
talking about it one day. I had just come off being
sick, so I was ready to detox, but I did not know I
was ready for what was about to happen!

We had a beautiful new woman named Joan at the
meeting, she sat across from me. She had beautiful red
hair with and an absolutely perfect porcelain skinned
body. During the meeting I found her staring at me and
this got me aroused.

The meeting ran late and as I was walking out she
asked me if I wanted to go get a drink? I did. Even
though it was water for me.

She asked me all sorts of questions, but later I
realized I asked her none, even though I was so into
her. I took here back to my small apartment and we
made out. Normally I don't eat while I'm Fasting
but... Bad joke sorry, but I listened to you
everyday so I know you can handle it.

Anyway, it was so great... But I think you put
something in my water and being in pharmaceuticals
that's easy to do. I remember laying in bed with her
and looking at her hands while she laid nude on her
stomach. There were small circles on the fingertips
and on the palms of her hand. Something told me these
had been some sort of suction-cups, like an octopus
might have... maybe a birth defect that she had
removed.

Suddenly she rolled over and looked at me and her eyes
were yellow and her pupils were black slits. She
seemed so demonic that I guess I fainted.

I woke up not remembering anything, but for the rest
of the weekend I had strange dreams about her.

Monday I asked whether she was coming back to work and
my boss didn't know who I was talking about. No one at
the office even remembered her at the meeting.

Did I imagine her? Was she an alien sent to observe
me? Am I insane? Don't answer!"